Alright, I'll fess up. This issue of Preparation X feeds an odd obssession I've been hiding for many years. I love medical journals. I am fascinated by their layout, their content and their advertising. Medical journals are just like any other magazines. They have little tidbit news items, a letters column and some even have a little humor section. Their advertising is just as hokey as real advertising although medical ads can often contain real gorey photos. And most journals have a pretty painting on the cover, just like Reader's Digest. In fact, it's hard to read a medical journal and not think about Reader's Digest, the world's most widely read magazine. Perhap they have the recipe for magazine success that many journals wish to mimic. Or maybe, I just get the same vibe from reading both magazines_that they both are talking about common things in such a sterile and clinical way that they seem completely alien to me. Regardless of the reasons, I recommend seeking out medical journals in your local university's library. Below are just a few medical case history jewels I found in some old journals. Some case histories are spread around the medical community like blonde jokes are spread around laymen circles. Skip
A 51-year-old man came to doctor with a 2 to 3 week history of progressive side neck pain. A laryngoscopy and esophagoscopy of the man revealed nothing. An examination of the neck revealed an abscess cavity which contained a tooth from a hair comb. The man was a comb manufacturer who had a habit of rubbing combs across his teeth. He finally remembered the severe pain that he had suffer after he accidentally swallowed a comb tooth seven years prior. -Quoted in Annals of Otology, Rhinology and Laryngology, Supplement 105, July/Aug 83.
Twenty-four-year-old Cynthia presented to my office with an unusual complaint: She wanted me to locate and remove a die from her vagina. Several days earlier, she reported, her boyfriend had suggested she insert two dice in her vagina before intercourse to enhance their sexual pleasure. Although she hadn't felt any difference, her boyfriend had enjoyed the sensation of something hard hitting his penis. After intercourse, Cynthia went to the bathroom where one die fell out of her vagina into the commode. However, she was not able to retrieve the second die and came to me for help. I couldn't find the die on speculum examination, but on the bimanual exam, I located it in what I took to be the left lateral wall of the vagina. Further examination revealed a smaller second vaginal pouch on the left side with the die lodged in its deep end. If Cynthia hadn't sought medical help, the die might have stayed in this rudimentary vaginal pouch indefinitely, because the narrowness of the external opening made spontaneous expulsion difficult and unlikely. -Quoted in Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, Dec 1991.
When John, 74, entered his doctor's office, it was assumed he was having problems controlling his type 2 diabetes. When the nurses left the examining room, John lowered his pants and shorts revealing a severely swollen uncircumcised penis with a slightly yellowish crust covering the glans. The doctor, knowing patients with diabetes are often prone to all kinds of infections, prescribed antibacterial ointment and told John to wash his penis several times a day. Two weeks later, John returned to show that the crust had mostly cleared up, but the penis and foreskin still remained quite swollen. The doctor pushed back the foreskin and saw a quick glimpse of green. At first, he feared a severe bacterial infection, but closer examination revealed a green rubber band. When asked, John first replied, "Doctor, how could it have gotten there?" Then he remembered visiting a lady friend a few weeks earlier, who had placed the small rubber band around his penis during sex play. -Quoted in Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, Oct 1991.
A 52-year-old male entered doctor's office with a peculiar straddle-leg gait and wearing an expression on his face that was at once anxious and embarrassed. He stated that he had been giving himself an enema with a colon tube. Not having achieved satisfactory results he concluded that he had a fecal impaction and inserted an umbrella handle in order to break it up. Unfortunately for him, however, once inserted he could no longer remove the umbrella handle due to a rectal spasm. X-rays of the man's showed no sign of impaction where upon the doctor reinterview the patient. This time the man stated that he was attempting to give himself an enema by means of a colon tube but the toilet seat became loose and he slipped from the seat and accidentally ran the umbrella handle into his anus, which was apparently standing in a convenient position next to the commode. -Quoted in Military Surgeon, Sept 1949, p 216
A 35-year-old blacksmith's helper had to be treated for ruptured colon after a fellow worker playfully put a high pressure airgun (95 ppi) against his rectum. He survived the rupture, but almost 50% die from what is mostly due to so called horseplay. "As little as 4 pounds of pressure can cause rupture of the colon." -Quoted in Military Surgeon, April 51, p 298